In November, I spent a month together with Joey in Thailand. It was supposed to be the last time I was “just visiting.” Once I got back home, I would apply for the DTV visa so I could move to Thailand the following March, and we wouldn’t have to do long distance as much anymore.
That was our plan.
When I got home to the Netherlands, I started feeling weird. My body felt different. My boobs started hurting like they do between ovulation and menstruation, but ten times worse. I started feeling nauseous and very tired. I told Joey that something wasn’t right. We waited until the day I was supposed to get my period and did a pregnancy test.
The result was two bright red stripes.
I was a little bit in shock and started to cry. Joey remained calm and actually seemed okay with the result. After a few minutes, the worst of the shock was over, and we talked about what we should do.
It became clear very quickly that we would keep this baby. It wasn’t really an option for me not to continue the pregnancy. I’ve wanted to be a mom for a while; I just felt like I’d never found the right partner or the right time for it. Even though it still wasn’t exactly the right time, it did feel like it was with the right person. Joey agreed. He had always wanted to be a dad too, and we had actually discussed the subject many times before.
So this baby was coming sooner than we planned.
We were not ready at all. We didn’t even live in the same country. This created a lot of anxiety for me, but Joey and I agreed to do our best and figure things out together.
The next few weeks were pretty tough for me. The first trimester is no joke. I felt so fatigued that everything seemed like too much. I didn’t feel like myself anymore and had a lot of stress and anxiety around all the responsibilities that come with having a child.
Even though Joey was there for me and supported me, I still felt very lonely. We called every day, but I missed him intensely. I wished we could have been a “normal” couple so we could at least spend our evenings together. I wished he could have come with me to midwife appointments and baby shopping. Eventually, I learned to accept the situation for what it was. Some days I felt a little more positive, while others remained difficult and heavy.
Luckily, my family responded very positively — concerned, of course, but happy. My friends were very surprised and happy for me as well. Once the people close to me knew about the pregnancy, I started to feel a little less alone. Because I still felt down most of the time, my midwife recommended that I speak to a pregnancy coach. I had several conversations with her, and she really helped me feel more accepting and confident about my situation.
At times, I felt very insecure about how I was supposed to take care of a baby. Joey and I didn’t even live together, we didn’t own a house, and I didn’t have work in Thailand. How was I supposed to raise a baby like this?
While I strongly believed that everything would turn out fine and that Joey and I would figure things out along the way, my family had more difficulty accepting that. They would rather see me stay in the Netherlands than move to Thailand. For me, that simply wasn’t an option. It is much harder for Joey to get a visa for the Netherlands than it is for me to get a long-term visa for Thailand. The pregnancy coach really helped me feel confident in my decision and trust my ability to figure things out as they came.
When the second trimester came along, I slowly started to feel like myself again. The nausea and fatigue faded away, and at times I could actually feel happy and excited again.
At the end of March, I travelled back to Thailand so Joey and I could spend part of the pregnancy together. While I still felt lost at times, being there greatly improved my mood.
I was so glad to see him. I immediately felt like I was coming home, like I could finally rest. But I didn’t come to Thailand only to relax. We needed to get things done and build a foundation for our baby.
Joey and I decided that it would be best to get married in Thailand (more on that here). Not very romantic, I know, but marriage is a contract after all. By getting married, the baby would automatically be recognised as his, which would save us a lot of paperwork in the long run. It would also allow me to get a more stable type of visa than the DTV. Long before all of this happened, Joey and I had already decided that we were committed to each other and saw our lives together. Getting married doesn’t change anything about the love we already have. Hopefully, it will simply help us feel more connected and ready for family life.
During my time in Thailand, we also bought a motorbike together, which made it much easier to get around. We looked at different areas on the island where we could rent an apartment in the future. More than anything, though, we enjoyed being together. It made me feel very safe to know that everything was okay and that we were building toward a stable life.
Right now, I’m back home in the Netherlands. I’m 30 weeks pregnant and preparing myself for giving birth. I decided to give birth in the Netherlands because my family was very concerned about both my health and the baby’s health. I also want to have a home birth, and that’s not really possible in Thailand.
The only problem is that Joey isn’t here.
We’re currently trying to get him a tourist visa for the Netherlands, and hopefully he’ll be able to be here during the birth and the period surrounding it so he can support me. After that, our plan is to return to Thailand with our baby. Joey will probably have to leave first so he can prepare a few things and get back to work before the baby and I arrive.
All I can do now is trust that everything will be alright. Luckily, the baby and I are completely healthy, and everything is going well. I’m still a little nervous about how it will all play out, but I’m also very excited to see what the future holds.
I can’t wait to meet our baby boy and start our life together as a little family.
-x- Esmee
